So, Say you need to know if he is married…
Many people will tell you the best way to find out if a guy is married is to ask him. While this is genius, in my experience you will get a quick response, “No, I’m not married, why would you ask that”. This might work for a guy that was going to use the defense you never asked, but a most cheaters are probably not going to fess up with a simple question. I will say that when I asked the question there was a bit of panic on his part which could be a bad sign.
It’s true I am guilty of falling for the married man. I do take partial responsibility for ignoring the warning signs that are somewhat obvious in retrospect. In the future I will be sure to look out for certain signs and have listed them below for you as well:
Pay attention to the times he is available to see you. Lunch time is good in the beginning. After all, its non committal for us as well. Keep in mind that lunch is also a great time for someone to get away without a wife keeping tabs on them.
Does he have a curfew? Right after work is also great unless he needs to leave before it gets too late. I would say most married guys have a curfew around ten o’clock if not before.
Is he conveniently unavailable on most holidays? These days are typically reserved for….. wait for it… family. Ugh. Calling you first thing in the morning does not count either. Yes, it may mean he is thinking about you, but that does not mean he is alone.
Does he mostly call you while in the car? That’s were he is usually alone.
Does he typically pay for things in cash? Many wives also have account access so a married douche bag is not going to want to leave a paper trail.
Does he have a Sketchy Facebook? This is HUGE. There are all kinds of discoveries you can make on our friend and foe facebook.
- Does he have his picture up for the profile?
- Can you search for him or does his page have Fort Knox security?
- How many friends does he have and is there any family listed?
If he has kids chances are he has an ex-wife or something of the sort. It’s a good idea to check out her page too. I am sorry I sound like a stalker, but sometimes you have to do it.
Is he out of town a lot? This was the absolute only reason I fell for all the other crap that should have been totally obvious. If someone travels a lot even legitimately for business, they have more opportunities to cheat. Mother trucker would usually visit when he was on his way in or out of town. He would leave for months at a time and we did not live in the same city so, I didn’t ask many questions at first. It seemed understandable that his time home was mostly designated to his children.
Another part about being out of town a lot is it gives the ability to ask you to come see him. This particular man typically called me every night when he was away and also invited me to the places he went.
Note: Just because he is willing to introduce you to coworkers does not mean he is not married. Guy code is often legit even if they don’t agree with the behavior. In my case I even met the brother in law of his wife and was invited on their guys trip.
Have you ever gone to his house? Not sure this one needs an explanation. It seems sweet that he will always come to you if you like to stay at your house like me, but at some point in a normal relationship you would return the favor. If there is never an opportunity to at least stop by his house he is hiding something. I thought maybe he was lying to me about his house and he was embarrassed because he did not have much or maybe he still lives with his mom. (I am not sure why that lie would have been acceptable, but that is another article.)
Have you ever met his children. This applies mostly with children old enough to talk. If they are babies there is no fear of them telling mom. This applies only to a long term relationship.
You seem to be more eager to have sex. Now I am not sure about this one. Maybe you other ladies can tell me. Many articles I read said to watch out for kinky sex behavior. You might be an outlet for all the crazy things he would never do to his wife or things that she might not be willing to try. In my case it seemed more important to me.
Pay attention to his phone behavior. Now there were plenty of times this married guy talked on the phone right next to me… or even under me! There were also times, however; when he would walk outside or to another area. He sometimes answered calls from his “ex” around me and talked as exes sharing child custody would. This particular married guy, while on a vacation with me would come up with different reasons to leave and run errands while I was getting ready. He also had two phones – one for work and one personal use.
He does most of the calling. I may have screwed myself on this one. Call me old fashioned, but I typically let the guy do most of the calling. One time in particular I did call late night and possibly after too many vodka drinks and his phone was off. A big red flag went off because he had a job that was based heavily around emergencies so, it did not seem logical that he would ever turn off his phone. I made a comment about it and his excuse was that his dad had suffered a heart attack and he was at the hospital all night. This was of course a lie. Deceitful people often have no shame. I ended up feeling like an asshole. The elaborate lies they tell are crazy!
Call him from time to time. See if he answers or calls you back on his way to the store.
THE BIG ONE
You are asking yourself this question. You know that thing called women’s intuition, well it ain’t no joke! If you have a feeling that something is wrong it probably is. If you think he might be married there is a good chance you’re right.
Many men will tell you they cheat because they are not getting enough “attention” at home and while this may often be the case there are also some men that cannot be happy with one woman. They might be a sociopath or although I see it as mostly bullshit a sex addict. These might be reasons, but they are not excuses. If you can…. run. If you can’t go get professional help for both of you.
Now, none of these signs may be alarming alone… but combined you just might have a married douche bag of your own.
What do you do now?
If he is a local, your best bet is to check and see if the county courthouse has there marriage/divorce records online. If not, you can go to the courthouse where these documents are public records. If he is an out of towner this might be more difficult. You should first verify that where he says he lives is true. You can probably do this online through the yellow pages or spokeo.